Awakened Page 18

  Brianna had ruined it all by betraying her own blood. By joining with their father. A father who’d treated Talon and Amanda like shit their whole lives, wanted Makenna dead since she was little, and had killed their mother.

  A father whose blood ran through her veins.

  Makenna keened at the thought. The question of whether or not she’d end up like Brianna, warped and twisted, still lingered. Power was seductive, like Rhys had said, and she’d already almost lost control of the goddess so many times. What if she went over the edge? What if the goddess took control?

  “May I join you?”

  Bowen’s voice brought Makenna’s head up. Her wolf’s too. The animal had retreated to a corner to pout, angry at Makenna. Now she perked up. She liked Bowen. She was happy, tail wagging, whenever he was around. As was her raven.

  The fact Makenna was describing a part of herself as wagging her tail still freaked her out a little. So much to get used to.

  The mage looked almost fearful of coming closer. Makenna realized why when she looked around. A red cloud pulsed and undulated. Her agony and fury had become a living thing. She pulled the magic back, forcing herself to calm.

  Bowen plopped down beside her. “My magic did not come to me until much later than others. Most shift and receive their magic around the age of five. My first shift was at eight. I couldn’t call magic until I was ten.” His face darkened with memories. “When I came into my power, it all came at once. Not gradually. You see, while many get a taste of their magic at a young age, the power grows over time. I suppose it is nature’s way of helping the child assimilate.” Bowen chuckled. “I was much like you the first time I threw. I took out two roofs, a few trees, and almost burned my instructor alive.”

  Makenna would’ve never imagined. “How long did it take you to control it?”

  “You would think I would have adapted quickly, seeing as how I was born into a line of powerful mages.” Bowen shook his head. “But no. The influx of that much power at once was overwhelming. It took months, years if truth be told, for me to fully control it. I could not even create spells until I was nearly eighteen.”

  “Are you serious?” Makenna had never known Bowen to lie, but that seemed a bit unbelievable. He was probably just saying it to make her feel better.

  Bowen held her gaze. “Aye. Even my instructor had never seen anything like it.”

  Makenna twisted and sat cross-legged, facing him. Mud oozed between her hips and ankles, but she didn’t care. “So how did you finally master it?”

  “Practice. Much practice. And meditation. With so much power, one must be especially centered. At one with the magic inside themselves. I learned not to fight it, but to channel it.”

  Makenna looked down at the mud. She drew a heart in the muck with her finger, then slashed her claws through it. She looked up as Bowen frowned.

  An admission flowed from her lips in a whisper. “I don’t know if I can do this.” Makenna turned away to inspect the large cypress beside them.

  She’d never meant to say the words out loud. But with Bowen, she felt safe. Instinctively knew he wouldn’t judge her. That he’d understand.

  The goddess was so powerful, so forceful. She fed on Makenna’s innate need to fight. On her anger and pain. Her need to avenge her sister, her people. How could she control something like that?

  Bowen drew her chin back to him with a gentle finger and smiled. Her wolf pushed against her skin, finding comfort in the simple touch. Weird animal.

  “Mo nighean milis, you can do anything you attempt. You have something special inside of you, a gift. It has nothing to do with the goddess, or the power you hold, or even with your bloodline. You are unique and wonderful in your own right. Powerful even before your magic was accessible. The goddess awakening only added to the magic that was innately you.” A shadow passed over his eyes, something that’d been happening a lot lately.

  Makenna snorted. “Blood is everything. I’ve learned that since I’ve been in this world.” She shook her head, tears gathering in her eyes. “Mine is tainted.”

  A red flush creeped into Bowen’s cheeks and his kind eyes hardened. He took her shoulders and gave her a shake. “Makenna Rianne, I never want to hear you say that again! Who your father is does not matter. You are who your life has made you. You are your choices.” A look of pride graced his face. “Who you are is wonderful. Even before you came back to us, you were a leader. You made a difference in the lives of those around you. Those children you taught admired you, trusted you. You made them feel loved. Gave them hope many of them would not have otherwise known.” He pressed a fatherly kiss to her forehead. “You are a magnificent creature, regardless of your blood. You can win this battle within. I have faith in you.”

  Makenna stared at him through wide, watery eyes. No one had ever said that to her before. She suddenly felt the urge to spill everything to this kind man who’d been more of a father to her in the past months than she’d had all her life.

  She sighed and watched the mud ooze as she poked at it. “It’s not just the magic I’m failing at. Being mated isn’t what I thought it’d be.”

  Bowen gave a low chuckle. “It rarely is. A mating is full of surprises. Especially with the bond. Being so much a part of another soul you know their thoughts and feelings is a wondrous, confusing thing.” There was that sadness again. At the moment, she couldn’t see past her own pain to ask about his.

  Again, she was failing. She was Alpha. He was part of her pack. She should be taking care of him.

  Makenna brought her eyes back to his. “That’s just it. The bond’s not fully in place. I’m not sure it ever will be. Trying to take care of the pack, figuring out our next move, all the injuries and deaths? It’s taking a toll. We hardly have any time for us and when we do it’s not...like it should be.” She sounded like a whiny, selfish bitch. She furiously shook her head. “Never mind. I shouldn’t be worrying about that when our pack is in danger. When people are dying.” Makenna climbed to her feet.

  Bowen stood and took her shoulders again. “You should be concerned about your bond. It is precious. The connection the two of you share, it is more powerful than any I have seen.” She tried to pull away, but he held her. “You are the Alpha pair. You must be solid. When you are not, that unease flows into the pack link.” Her head jerked back and he nodded. “Yes. It is only a ripple now. But if this rift between you grows, the pack will be affected greatly.” His eyes hardened before he released her. “Rhys knows this. He should be taking better care of your precious heart. Showing you all a mating should be.”

  Makenna rushed to defend her mate, even though she was furious at him. “It’s not all his fault. I have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t know how to be married, mated, whatever.” She threw her arms in the air.

  Bowen took her face in his hands. “Ask him to show you. Perhaps with both of you being preoccupied and the bond not fully cemented, he does not know all you feel.” At the guilty bow of her head, he sighed. “Especially if you are blocking from him. Makenna, tell him. Do what you have to in order to mend your bond. Do not let anything come between you. Or you will lose everything good in this world.” His hands dropped to his sides as his shoulders sagged. Agony filled the air around them, breaking her heart.

  Makenna touched his shoulder. “You lost your mate, didn’t you?” She whispered the question, almost afraid to ask.

  Misty eyes met hers. He nodded slowly. “Aye. I did not do right by her. I should have done more. Damn e gu h-ifrinn. I should have kept her close and safe. But the situation,” he got that faraway look again. “It was untenable. At the time, it seemed there was no way to save her. But I should have tried harder.” He inspected his hands. “So much power, and I could not save my own family.”

  Makenna clasped his hands. “I’m sure you did all you could.” She was coming to know Bowen well. He wouldn’t have stopped until he had nothing left.

  A jagged breath pushed out of his lungs. “If I had, she
would still be with me. My family would be whole.” When he looked at her again, his eyes had cleared. He’d put the past behind him. “You still have time and the means to keep your mate. Do not let him slip away. Guard your mating as fiercely as you guard your people.”

  Makenna nodded. “I’ll do my best.” She kicked at a stump. “It’d be a lot easier if I could handle my own damn magic.”

  “I can help with that more than I already have, if you are willing.”

  Her head snapped up. “Yes! I’ll do anything.”

  Bowen smiled and squeezed her hands. “Sin mo nighean.” At her raised brow, he explained. “That is my girl. Let us start with something simple. Are you familiar with meditation?”

  “Yeah. We did it every class at the center.” It was something she’d always found a measure of peace in, but had forgotten about with her life being turned upside down.

  “Wonderful. Close your eyes.”

  Right before she did, she saw his glowing smile. It looked familiar. Not just from the last few months, but from before. But it was a memory she couldn’t quite latch onto. She did as she was told, brushing the thought aside for later.

  “Now, clear a space in your mind. No thoughts, no magic. Gather your wolf, raven, and the goddess there as well.”

  Makenna’s eyes flipped open. “Why would she do what I say? She’s still having a fit she can’t kill Brianna.” Makenna winced at her words, just as Bowen did.

  His face grew stern. “She is simply another part of you. There is only one will in your mind. Yours. Enforce it.”

  Makenna closed her eyes again. She wrapped her chaotic thoughts in a box and kicked them to the side. Her wolf happily trotted to the blank space she created in her mind, followed by the raven. The goddess, still pacing and ranting, stopped cold as Makenna attempted to corral her. Sweat popped out on Makenna’s lip as she wrestled with the beast. Bowen whispered words of encouragement. Finally, the stubborn bitch settled beside the wolf.

  “Done.” Makenna took a deep breath.

  “Now, go back to a time and place you felt perfectly happy. Content. Completely at peace. Do you have such a place?”

  She let her mind wander. Scenes whipped by. Her thoughts settled in a beautiful meadow. Willows dotted the landscape. Wildflowers swayed in the breeze. Laughter rang out, from children and adults. The air was crisp, with a hint of warmth to it. Like the first days of spring.

  Where was this? She didn’t remember it. Maybe it was her raven or wolf’s memory. Or the goddess. Makenna wasn’t sure how that worked. Though she didn’t remember the place, she couldn’t deny the sense of joy that overwhelmed her. As if everything was right in her world.

  Three children ran and played, chased by two adults. The woman carried a baby. All of them were laughing, shouting their happiness as they gave chase. She couldn’t see faces but felt love on the breeze. She was one of the children. At least, she was seeing through their eyes. Felt the wind on her face. The tall, soft grass under her bare feet. Smelled the honeysuckle. Savored the warm rays of the sun on her skin.

  Makenna smiled and described the scene to Bowen as the lightness of the moment settled her heart. Her wolf gave a happy yip of contentment as she stretched out. The raven bounced, as if playing with them. Even the goddess smiled, calm and beaming.

  Bowen’s sharp intake of breath snapped her out of the scene.

  “What is it? Did I do something wrong?” She quickly scanned the area, then stepped closer, checking to see if he’d been injured. He was whole, but obviously shaken. “Bowen?”

  He shook his head, snapping himself out of wherever he’d been. “No. No, you did well.” He brushed the hair from her face. “This memory, do you remember where it was? Who was with you?”

  “No. I couldn’t see faces. I don’t think I was remembering it. Maybe my mind just created it.” Her body sagged. “There haven’t been that many great moments in my life, so I guess I just invented one.” It’d been nice, though. It felt like they were a family. Complete and happy. Like she’d always wished for.

  Bowen’s eyes misted as his finger traced her cheek. “I am sorry your life has been so difficult. You should have had a safe, loving childhood.” He stopped, but it was plain he wanted to say more.

  Makenna couldn’t help but wonder what he was holding back. He’d been acting so strange lately. Part of her wanted to ask him about it. But honestly, something in her was afraid to know the answers he withheld.

  “It’s okay. I survived.” Makenna shrugged. “Now I have all of you and Rhys.” She couldn’t keep the smile from her face. Until she thought about the last word she’d said. “Rhys! I have to go to him. Try to fix this.”

  Bowen nodded, looking deep in thought. “We can continue this later. Go to your mate.” He kissed her cheek and turned her toward the camp.

  “You gonna be okay?”

  “Yes. I believe I’ll go for a run.” With that, he shifted. His fluffy, silver wolf licked her hand and rubbed his side against her leg before taking off.

  Makenna ran for camp. As she emerged from the woods, she plowed into Brenton. “Sorry!” She righted herself. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

  The man, male, wolf—whatever, she could never get it right—laughed loudly. “That’s all right, my queen.” He stepped to the side and motioned for her to pass. “I’m going out on patrol. Any orders?”

  “No. You’re good. Just, have you seen Rhys?”

  Brenton grew serious. “Yes. He was headed for the cabin where the prisoner is being held.” He growled the word prisoner.

  Makenna froze. She did her best not to let her anger show. “Thank you. Be safe.”

  She stomped toward the cabin. A woman on a mission.

  The lightness and hope she’d managed to acquire flew right out of her like a scattering flock of birds. The goddess’ head perked up. Her wolf growled and went back to her corner, disassociating herself from the whole thing. Her raven did the same.

  If Rhys was giving Brianna her freedom, even just to roam the cabin, she’d kill him.

  So much for making peace with her mate.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  All Along the Watchtower

  What a cluster fuck.

  Rhys ground his teeth as the door closed behind Trystan.

  His mate had defied him in front of others. It didn’t matter they were family. What mattered was the conversation should’ve taken place in private. He didn’t need anyone else knowing his mate didn’t respect him and didn’t trust his judgment. Didn’t trust him. Hadn’t they already taken care of this issue? He’d thought so, but apparently not.

  It not only pissed him off, it cut deep. He’d done all he could to earn her trust. But instead of deferring to his experience, or at least saving the debate until they were behind closed doors, she’d confronted him in front of everyone. After she’d gone to Trystan for help instead of her mate. How could she go behind his back like that and plot against him?

  A voice inside Rhys reminded him she’d been right earlier. Brianna had set a trap and they’d nearly died falling into it because he’d refused to listen to his mate. Had assumed she was making up an excuse so she could take out Brianna. That proved he didn’t fully trust her either. And he couldn’t ask of her what he wasn’t giving himself.

  “Fuck!” He leapt to his feet, grabbed the old paper weight from the corner of his desk, and chunked it at the door. It barely dented the old oak before crashing to the floor in pieces.

  How the hell did they get here? It wasn’t just his stubborn mate’s fault. He was as much to blame as she. Still, her betrayal was more than just a bruise to his ego. He accepted the fact she was as powerful as he. Maybe more. But she was inexperienced. And damn it, he couldn’t quell that protective urge. No matter how much power she had, how fierce of a warrior she was, she was his mate. He’d do all in his power to protect her. She’d just have to get used to it.

  Rhys paced the office, pulling at his hair. However much he loved Kenna, h
e couldn’t let the disrespect stand. Couldn’t push aside the fingers of pain her mistrust dug into his heart.

  Adrenaline raced hot and fast through his veins, needing an outlet. He forced his mind to something other than his out-of-control mate. As he searched his mental banks, he couldn’t think of anything that would calm him. So instead, Rhys decided to work on another problem.

  Trystan’s strange behavior.

  His Beta had always been strong willed, and questioned Rhys when he needed it. Lately, it’d gone way beyond that. The Alpha pair and the Beta should be plotting strategy together. They should be on the same page. Not so divided that battle lines were forming between them.

  Rhys looked to the ceiling, as if it had answers. “Athair, what do I do here?”

  He used to talk to his father often, as if he were still by his side, guiding him. But not so much since the war had kicked into gear. Maybe it would’ve helped keep him on track.

  He tied his hair back with a band, then headed for the door. Makenna and her siblings may be at odds. She and Trystan may be stepping over too many lines to count. His mating may be in jeopardy. And death lurked in the shadows to swallow them. But there were two things he could take care of right now.

  Discover if Brianna was indeed sincere in her offer of help, and find out from the source what was going on with Trystan and how to stop it.

  Striding down the stairs and out the front door, he briefly nodded at the pack members who acknowledged him. Most moved out of his way, sensing the rage and determination flowing from him. Rhys stomped toward the cabin where Brianna was kept. He skidded to a halt as a pained scream tore through the camp. Several wolves stopped in shock, all of them looking for the source.

  Rhys already knew.

  Ignoring the questioning looks thrown at him, Rhys jumped straight from the ground to the porch, landing at the front door. He swung it open and slammed it shut behind him.